Phone Call Return as Core Discipline

"I think it is particularly important that all of us take a little time and review some fundamentals: 1. We must continue doing our best to control expenses. Every dollar we save on expenses goes directly to the bottom line. That is what all of us should be concerned about, or you are at the wrong firm. Expenses should be watched at all times, but especially when business is good. 2. We must continue to be alert for scams and con artists. We must watch for unusual behavior by the people we work with. What is unusual behavior? Something subtle like somebody who drives a Rolls-Royce on a salary that can barely support roller skates. 3. Do the people you work with answer phone calls in a courteous manner? Are all phone calls returned? I couldn’t care less what a person does in his own home, but I am a nut about returning phone calls that are made to our personnel during the workday. I do not care if the caller is selling malaria. Calls must be returned! 4. Are the receptionists and telephone operators in all of our offices warm and courteous, and if they are, are they thanked appropriately? Remember that in most cases the first contact a client has with us is through a telephone operator or receptionist. 5. Do you and your associates leave word where you are at all times so that finding you is not like hunting for the Andrea Doria? 6. In September of 1983, a memo was distributed with a quote from the works of Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal. It is worth repeating. “A man will do well in commerce as long as he does not believe that his own body odor is perfume.” That still holds true. We must not get cocky or over-confident."

"I just checked with Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal on a philosophical issue that has been bothering me. The question is two-pronged: “Should really rich people answer their own telephones and, if they are occupied when the call comes in, does an immediate return of the call by the millionaire show weakness or a dearth of committee meetings or a lack of attention to strategic planning?” Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal had Nookie do some research. The results are conclusive and irrefutable. There is nothing in the Bible, Koran or Talmud that prohibits or encourages the slow answering of a distant yodel or the melodious squawk of a ram’s horn (there were no telephones at the time those books were given or written). In addition, there are no governmental laws that Nookie could find (except for some new and old countries in Eastern Europe) that prohibit answering your own telephone or quickly returning a call."

"1. He is a strong believer that people who talk too much seem to have bad luck. 2. People who do not return phone calls promptly do not seem to make the grade at a highly profitable firm. 3. People who object to end runs will never make it in football, or with successful investment banking firms. Certain groups do need to observe a “chain of command” atmosphere, but highly motivated, intelligent people do not need this handcuff. 4. A firm that has enthusiastic receptionists and telephone operators starts off with a tremendous advantage over the dummies of the world. Keep in mind that the first impression people receive from Bear Stearns is with those associates. 5. If a business person has to ask his accounting department if he is making a profit, he will not be in business very long."

"I can guarantee very little about the future, but there is one thing you can bet on. Your executive committee is going to spend a lot of the new year stressing fundamentals. I do not think our success has been due to luck (although all of us welcome and appreciate good luck). Football teams that are in great condition and can block and tackle, win. We are going to win because we constantly keep in mind certain axioms such as: 1). It is our job to inspire receptionists and secretaries to smile and sparkle when speaking to or seeing clients. The top people at Bear Stearns set an example by returning all calls promptly. 2). Avoid the herd mentality. 3). Control expenses—even more so in good times. 4). Every department should be staffed with the best and the brightest because I cannot tell you which area of our business will be “hot” six months from now. 5). Reduce expenses. 6). We are going to stick to the things we think we know something about. I am too old to start selling cars, costume jewelry or life insurance. 7). Conceit and complacency are dangerous, particularly in our line of work. If I ever feel that the people at Bear Stearns start thinking their body odor is perfume and I cannot convince them otherwise—I will sell my stock. 8). I like people who conduct their business “neat and clean.” If you do not understand that, call me. 9). Cut expenses. 10). We must always be on guard in dealing with new relationships, and our associates must always be aware that we are watching the shop and them at all times. The best protection against in-house fraud is for management to have a great rapport with associates big and small. They will see aberrational behavior in a co-worker four years before internal audit spots the deception."