Phone Call Return as Core Discipline

“I think it is particularly important that all of us take a little time and review some fundamentals: 1. We must continue doing our best to control expenses. Every dollar we save on expenses goes directly to the bottom line. That is what all of us should be concerned about, or you are at the wrong firm. Expenses should be watched at all times, but especially when business is good. 2. We must continue to be alert for scams and con artists. We must watch for unusual behavior by the people we work with. What is unusual behavior? Something subtle like somebody who drives a Rolls-Royce on a salary that can barely support roller skates. 3. Do the people you work with answer phone calls in a courteous manner? Are all phone calls returned? I couldn’t care less what a person does in his own home, but I am a nut about returning phone calls that are made to our personnel during the workday. I do not care if the caller is selling malaria. Calls must be returned! 4. Are the receptionists and telephone operators in all of our offices warm and courteous, and if they are, are they thanked appropriately? Remember that in most cases the first contact a client has with us is through a telephone operator or receptionist. 5. Do you and your associates leave word where you are at all times so that finding you is not like hunting for the Andrea Doria? 6. In September of 1983, a memo was distributed with a quote from the works of Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal. It is worth repeating. “A man will do well in commerce as long as he does not believe that his own body odor is perfume.” That still holds true. We must not get cocky or over-confident.”

“I just checked with Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal on a philosophical issue that has been bothering me. The question is two-pronged: “Should really rich people answer their own telephones and, if they are occupied when the call comes in, does an immediate return of the call by the millionaire show weakness or a dearth of committee meetings or a lack of attention to strategic planning?” Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal had Nookie do some research. The results are conclusive and irrefutable. There is nothing in the Bible, Koran or Talmud that prohibits or encourages the slow answering of a distant yodel or the melodious squawk of a ram’s horn (there were no telephones at the time those books were given or written). In addition, there are no governmental laws that Nookie could find (except for some new and old countries in Eastern Europe) that prohibit answering your own telephone or quickly returning a call.”