my mother
Strategic Concepts & Mechanics
Primary Evidence
"My father felt an existential unrest and tension most of his life, but he had been truly happy and content the last twenty years, first with my mother and then, after she died, with her best friend. He was a good, decent, and honest man, and I wish we could have really known each other. The formality of my relationship to both my parents still astounds me. Was it me or was it them? That they never, all my life, ever, asked me a personal question seems unbelievable, but is true. It’s equally true that I never asked for advice or ever shared anything about my inner life with them. They set the initial rules, but I never pierced through them, and to this day, it’s still so difficult for me to be open and emotionally available. It’s both a continuing mystery and a sad testament that I’m still mostly incapable of easily sharing my inner life."
"On a fateful day in 1978, a knock came at the door. Dad was in his study and a few men went in to sit with him. One of them was in the kitchen speaking to my mother. The atmosphere was sombre, but I found it hard to understand just how serious things were because I knew all the men from happy social occasions in our home. They were cool guys, with long sideburns. One of them came into my room and removed his glasses. The rims were so thick and heavy that they left a wide red line across the bridge of his nose. He looked me in the eye and asked if my Dad had ever been bad to me. ‘No,’ I replied. When Dad was drunk, he fell asleep. The man asked me if I was sad when Dad went drinking. I hesitated and said ‘yes’. He took me into the living room to sit down with my father and mother and the other men and explained that they were discussing whether Dad should go to a nice hospital for a few weeks to stop him drinking again. He then asked me: ‘What do you think Thor? Would you like Daddy to stop drinking?’ All eyes fell on me and I was surprised that they were asking me and that everyone was listening carefully for my answer. I said: ‘Yes, I would,’ and the room went quiet as my words sank in."